A Moment of Innocence
by hellhunting
Summary: A conflicted Morgana finds peace in the snow. "She didn't know what she wanted. But these tiny flakes awakened something within her. Peace. They made her feel peaceful."


_Just a quick one-shot inspired by the snow we've recently had here in the UK. The snow became so interesting in that Health and Social lesson, where this idea was born. Truthfully, I adore snow, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy :') This is about a conflicted Morgana, set between episodes 01x11 and 02x12 - ish. Reviews are greatly appreciated :)_

**Disclaimer:-**** Hold on, let me check...*checks list of things owned*...nope, _BBC's Merlin _is not on my list, which means it is owned by someone else. All right's go to them. I also do not own the lyrics to "The Kid's Aren't Alright" by The Offspring.**

* * *

**_Chances thrown__  
__Nothing's free__  
__Longing for what used to be__  
__Still it's hard__  
__Hard to see__  
__Fragile lives, shattered dreams_**

Inside the castle of Camelot, a young dark haired beauty stood at the window in her chambers gazing out over the courtyard below. Her face was of the palest white, save for a slight pink tinge in her cheeks from the icy cold air. Her piercing green eyes were filled with awe as her lifted her head to stare at the sky. Soft pink clouds stretched out for as far as she could see, hiding the sun from sight, though the day was no darker because of it.

Then slowly, a single pure white snowflake fell. The woman reached out of her open window to catch it before it reached the ground. It settled on her hand and for a few moments it lingered there, giving time for the woman to marvel at the beauty and delicacy of this tiny, but unique, piece of nature. The flake soon succumbed to the warmness of her hand as it melted away leaving only a droplet of water in its wake. She regarded the droplet in sadness, wishing she could have held it a moment more, before turning, once again, to look outside.

More flakes had begun to fall; soon the ground was covered in a soft white blanket of snow. She watched as they twirled and danced, glistening in the light of the day. She had rarely seen anything so beautiful. The snow held so much importance to the young woman, it reminded her of a time when she could enjoy life simply for what it was, without the pain of life's cruel ways. She remembered a time when she was simply Morgana, the daughter of Goloris, an innocent and carefree child. A single tear drop shimmered as it rolled down her face as she remembered, or rather how she couldn't remember, her father. All she remembered of him was how he was taken from her when she was just a young girl. One day he just walked out the door in his chainmail and armour and didn't return. _"He was a hero,"_ they used to tell her, but she could not share those memories, his only daughter, and she barely knew him.

She did have one memory with him though. It was a day painfully like today. The snow had been falling heavily throughout the night and when she had woken up in the morning, an untouched snowy blanket was waiting for her. The snow had still been falling when she had raced out of her home, dressed heavily in the clothes her mother had layered her in. She jumped and spun laughing as the snow whirled around her, settling in her dark brown waves. Her father had come out to join her. Morgana remembered how he had taken her small hands into his huge ones and danced joyfully with her until not one bit of snow on the ground remained untouched. She remembered that feeling of laughter and innocence and being free…

Oh how she wished she could be a child again, back before she knew of her magic and the evil that came with it. She had so many dreams as a child, so much she wanted to do and see. She wanted to freedom that came with being an adult, she thought she could do whatever she wanted, and the whole world would be hers to see. But destiny had a different route for her, one of darkness and betrayal. She wasn't a bad person; it had been Uther that had driven her to the path Morgause offered. She didn't want this. She didn't want to be driven forwards by hate. Morgana was well aware of how Morgause was corrupting her, using her to get her revenge on Uther. But she let her. Because part of her yearned for the acceptance Morgause had given her, Morgause had taught her not to be afraid of who she was for magic had always been a part of her, she was special. She longed for the life that could present itself if the King did not walk these lands. She could follow her dreams, be free from the imprisonment that came with being the King's ward, she could use magic to experience the world, to see the great wonders from the stories Gaius told her as a child.

But deep down in her soul, she did not want this. She did not want that life to be stained with the blood of innocent lives. She didn't want to be a killer…

She didn't know what she wanted. But these tiny flakes awakened something within her._ Peace._ They made her feel peaceful.  
She brought herself back to reality and watched a scene unfold in the courtyard below. Arthur and Merlin were crossing the courtyard, the first people to walk in the newly settled snow. She looked on at the sight regularly seen by occupants of Camelot. She smiled slightly as Arthur was obviously ranting to Merlin about something while Merlin staggered behind him trying to stop himself from dropping the ton of armour he was carrying. Unfortunately for him, Merlin did his signature move and tripped over something in the snow, sending all of Arthur's armour, and himself, crashing forwards into the unsuspecting Prince. Arthur fell forward as the force crashed into his back and landed face first in the snow. Morgana laughed as she watched Arthur get up and face a rather sheepish looking Merlin before yelling loudly about clumsy and incompetent servants. Yes, this was quite a regular sight. This time however though, while Merlin was hastily picking up the armour, Arthur had created a snowball and launched it off Merlin's head. The snowball crumbled to pieces on contact sending an icy shower down Merlin's neck. Morgana could barely hold back tears of laughter at the pair of them, now deeply engrossed in a fully-fledged snowball fight.

Suddenly Gwen appeared on the scene. She was walking completely oblivious to the on-going battle between Prince and manservant who had taken a brief pause to restock their ammo. Unfortunately for Gwen though, she happened to walk right in their firing path just as they launched a new attack on each other. She was soon showered by snowballs hitting her on both sides while she screamed as the cold soaked into her clothes. Arthur and Merlin's faces were ones of pure horror when they had realised what had happened. Morgana watched as they both turned bright red and seemed to be apologising to the maid profusely. Morgana wiped the tears from her eyes just in time to see Gwen throw two snowballs in their direction, both hitting their respective targets. For anyone watching the scene between the two servants and prince, they would be deeply horrified and angry to see servants disrespecting royalty in this way, but for Morgana, she knew of the friendship often denied between Merlin and Arthur, and she also knew of the growing affection between that same prince and her maidservant. Through all the darkness in her life, this was something she looked upon and brought warmth to her heart. She had dreamt of finding love, and of the man she would one day give her heart too. She envied that her maid seemed to have already found her Prince.

The courtyard had now turned into a battle ground of a three-way snowball battle. It was still too early for others to be awake, it was only those serving royalty who walked the grounds at this time. She heard screams of laughter from Gwen and yells of sarcasm between Merlin and Arthur and it was in that moment that Morgana grabbed her thickest winter robe and ran out of her chambers.  
Within moments she was running down the steps out of the castle and into the courtyard before standing side by side with Gwen throwing snow at the two men across from them. For over an hour the war raged on before she and her maid collapsed to the ground in exhaustion. She had forgotten how long ago it was since she felt like this. She felt like a child again. She had laughed and fooled around like a child would do. She had forgotten her dark agenda and the weight of responsibility that came with being Uther's ward. She was simply a woman again, no cares in the world. How she wished she could remain like this, lying in the snow with her best friend. But the city was beginning to awaken and she and Arthur could not be seen enjoying themselves with their servants. So, with still the feeling of happiness and peace in her heart, she made her way back up to her chambers, with Gwen promising to accompany her momentarily. The smile never left Morganas face, her eyes sparkled in a way that they hadn't done in a long time. Her cheeks were flushed bright pink, her hair was soaked and in disarray and she was shivering as the water seeped through her clothes to her skin. But she had never felt warmer.

Upon entering her chambers she noticed her window was still wide open and snow had blown through leaving shallow pools on her floor. She walked over to the window and pulled it shut, not wanted to let out any more heat, and then she saw it. A small silver box with intricate detail decorating its lid was sitting, completely dry, on the window sill. Morgana looked at it. Then slowly, a sickening feeling began the spread through her as she realised what it was. She shakily opened the lid and saw the note inside.

"_Meet me tonight, sister. Midnight, in the Darkling Woods."_

The light in her eyes died and her heart turned cold. The moment of innocence passed, just like the snow…


End file.
